2010 Just Flipping End

Perhaps this whole year hasn't been horrible, but the past couple of months have been trying, capped off by a final week and a half of 2010 that makes me want to scream. Seriously, if I were not sitting in my office (which is where I have been 12-14 hours a day EVERY day this week - including Sunday) I would scream so incredibly loud that... something cool would happen. Cause this, this most definitely is NOT cool. SO not cool, that I am wearing my GLASSES!!!! (ok, yes, glasses v. contacts is not really a real way to judge coolness... not after the fourth grade and not once you can afford to buy your own frames so you no longer look like you did when your parents picked them out... from the clearance rack... but you get the idea).

In short, I am far from feeling festive enough to write a blog post about the wonders that were 2010, especially as of right now, there will be no new year's holiday for me. WHO NEEDS TO SEE THEIR FAMILIES WHEN THERE ARE DEALS TO CLOSE????

Fortunately, I am in a position where I can remember the wonders of this past year by just scrolling back through the archives and recapping what 2010 was in the Cox-Kowalski house, and maybe, just maybe, by the time I am done, I will believe that there is a happy place again... though - do I really want to believe when I know I may NEVER SEE IT AGAIN...

January: Holy Crap IS THAT YOU??? You look so LITTLE, and now you are so BIG. Ok, so in January, we went to the wedding of a good friend of mine from Law School and you confirmed that you look as good in the mirrors in Dallas as you do in Austin or Chicago - you handsome boy. A couple of our favorite people came to visit (and how weird is it that in a few months they will have a little amigo of their own - and it has only been ONE YEAR)... You cracked yourself up, you cracked me up, and you and Clem jammed.

February: You turned ONE! A whole 12 months! A whole 365 days! Melissa came to visit and, as everyone seems to do, spoiled you quite proper. Then came more presents and cards and CAKE!!! You like cake. It was your first birthday and the end to our first year with you. How can this go by so quickly? I reject, let's slow this ride down...

March: I feel like this is really where you started to come out of your shell. You were cruising around on TWO feet a lot more, and you were funnier all the time. We enjoyed the heat of Texas by cooling off in our own little pool. You are just like your momma and you have about a bajillion different expressions, one for every occasion. We were running out of ways to contain you, so we gave in and gave you your own room (in addition to your bedroom). In return, you let us dress you up in some ridiculous costumes.

April: You took your first plane ride this month, a trip to Chicago to celebrate you, and Easter a little. I couldn't believe you were SUCH a good baby, ahem, big boy. You really got into your "mommy phase" and (thank GOD) you are still in it for the most part. You impressed the artistic world, and I think I fell in love with you a little bit more. More hair finally came in, but it really only grew in some areas, and not in others, leaving you with the cutest old man combover.

May: This month was filled with bouncing and splashing. We bravely / stupidly thought that 15 months was the PERFECT age to take you to the beach. We planned and planned and threw you in a car for 6 hours only to arrive at the beach thinking you were broken (but you were fine, just stiff from the car). There was little rest and relaxation that whole trip, but you saw the ocean and looked great in your swim trunks. Your love affair with ketchup, still going strong, began this month.

June: Mommy didn't sleep much this month (what a waste that was) but you filled our mutual waking hours fully mobile as a biped and mastering new moves. You filled out your toothy smile and were faster than a speeding bullet getting into mischief all the time. I remember being in awe of your motor skills and loving how much you loved your pets.

July: We prepared to upend your life yet again and haul you back across the country. This was a time full of chaos, but so many good memories enjoying your last little bit in Texas. A part of me will always be in Texas, in the room with a new door that used to hold my sticker collection, in Granny's house where I used to spend many a late night with a fellow insomniac. Now, a part of you and your history is in Texas, too. Part of me always thought I would end up in Texas to raise you, but as we prepared to move back to Chicago, I came to realize it might be for good, and I might be ok with that. How much our futures shift as new people and new things come across our paths. I will always be a Texan, I was born there, but you were born here in Chicago, and who knows where you will one day end up.

August: We landed in our new place - it was the craziest 48 hours in my life, and yet you handled it like it was just another day - you are so cool and laid back, I could really learn from you. As we got settled we explored the new places and saw many familiar faces. Daddy went off to school again, and you and I learned to balance the working from home Mommy thing. How hard it was to work while you played, but how sweet it was to eat lunch with you every day, or come out and get a snuggle when there was a lull in the day (or I just couldn't resist).

September: This was another month of transition, which maybe every month is, but as I prepared to go to a JOB that would mean a real change for me, we took every minute to soak up our time together and with family. Your hair became quite shaggy yet we resisted giving you a trim anticipating Halloween. You Love Grandma's piano and you really hit your groove with the Kowalski crew. This Chicago family is my inlaws, and though I am sure we would have found our way regardless, having you be the center around which we all congregate has made inlaws into just family.

October: You were baptized, you went to Vegas, and mommy started work. That was a LOT in one month. In Vegas your relationship with Beka was unlike anything it had been before. She was your right hand lady and I know she enjoyed spending so much time with you. You also met your Godfather Michael and your Great Uncle Sammy, who already thought you were special enough to fly cross-country for. You were very Hulk-y on Halloween and I appreciate you indulging your mommy in her home-made costume endeavors.

November: Hello Franco! And Hello to your nose - I am surprised there is anything left up there to pick, but two months later you are still checking. And goodbye to that sweet wispy baby hair. You really grew up this month for me, when I looked at you pre-haircut I still saw a baby, then the trim turned you into a little boy. I guess it was about time, but give me a break, you are growing up waaaay to fast. We enjoyed Thanksgiving and prepared for Christmas by dropping off your wish list to the big guy in red.

December: This month has been a month of excess - excess spoiling for you (Grandparents brought LOADS of presents for you) and excess ups and downs and work for me. I write this on the last day of 2010 having billed 2 weeks worth of work in about 8 days... I miss you, and I am tired, and I hope that all the good carries into 2011, and I figure out a way to slow everything down - work, time, and every minute I get to see you.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Story of Christmas 2010: Part II(c) - Christmas Morning

What does a boy need his own piano for - jamming! and you jam, kiddo.

The rest of the day was spent playing with your toys - taking a power nap while we waited for your Aunt Allison and Uncle Steve to arrive. Then we went out to eat, where you were again well behaved, even if you did more "tasting" then eating.

Grandma and Grandpa and Beka left mid afternoon, but Aunt Allison and Uncle Steve stayed until later and we had a great time. Sadly, no more pictures... and sadly, I am sure I have not done justice to this Christmas (it was really good), but we apparently stopped snapping the moments, and Mommy has been working pretty much nonstop since then. Don't worry though kiddo, we will always remember this one.

Story of Christmas 2010: Part II(b) - Christmas Morning

You got SO MANY TOYS (and some very nice outerwear as well!)

What amazed me the most is there were NO tears - you didn't fuss when we had to take your toys to take them out of the packaging, you didn't act spoiled or bratty (one of which you are (the former) the other, you most certainly are not (bratty)). Had you fussed I wouldn't have even thought you a brat - you are NOT EVEN TWO for crying out lout - you are supposed to cry and be impatient - you don't know what "hold on while I get these twisty things undone" means - at least not in a comprehending it kind of way, and yet you were a beautiful and graceful recipient of gifts - playing with all, thanking with kisses, relishing every moment.

I = proud mama.

Why do I ever think you will behave otherwise???

Story of Christmas 2010: Part I I(a)- Christmas Morning

You woke up the next morning and didn't know what to do with yourself... for a minute... then you figured it out pretty quick...

Story of Christmas 2010: Part I - Christmas Eve

Let me begin the story of your second Christmas. It starts with early morning donuts and play time, until Mommy begrudgingly got on a conference call for work... and continued to work for several hours before you caught on, realized I was in the other room and cried at the door. At that point, I drew a line. If I could I would underline and boldthat line, but sadly, I cannot and sometimes that line gets mighty pale...

Anywho, we spent the rest of the afternoon playing and waiting for Grandpa and Grandma and Beka to arrive and when they arrived DID THEY EVER ARRIVE. They showed up with enough food for an army and EVEN MORE PRESENTS. I wish I could say something here about you not being that good this year to deserve so many presents, but you were so good this past year...

Then we ate and played some more before we opened our Christmas Eve gifts (you got the PJs in the pictures here, and the book that inspired the Macy's windows this year - Yes, Virginia, There Is a Santa Claus) and I read you some books and rocked you to bed (after giving kisses).



Then someone in a big red suit with a big beard must have shown up, because OMG... look at what landed in our living room....

Bleck...

I billed more hours yesterday then I usually do on a REALLY productive day.... ummm... yeah, so there is not much I want to say about that.

Should I be embarrassed that I asked Steve to hide Cooper's Santa present from him (we had to disassemble the train anyways prior to company coming over) until next weekend when (presumably) I can play with him?

I just don't know.

Cooper is possibly the cutest he has been yet in his life, and that is pretty dern cute. He is so much fun and so pleasant - he plays by himself and with us and he makes multiple animal sounds (cat, dog, monkey, lion, cow and sometimes sheep). He looooved all his Christmas toys and has only scratched the surface beginning to play with them.

A Christmas post is forthcoming, though perhaps not until 2011...

Back to work.

And, Christmas

After working this morning, I am finally at a place where I can stop, breathe, and make cinnamon rolls.

We finally put Christmas presents under the tree - something we had avoided prior to today partly from kindness and partly for our own mental health - because Cooper now knows what a present is... and he wants to OPEN it.

I wanted to do a Christmas card this year but did not.

I thought, at the very least, I would get a good family photo and post a Christmas card on the blog... that MAY happen next week, but alas, not by Christmas...

I did manage to take a picture of the corner of our corner of the world that makes me feel calm in the chaos and so excited for tomorrow morning:

"Down the Line"

Unless you are my parents, or knew me when I was about 8 years old, the title to this post will mean nothing to you, but is SO worth remembering so that I can some day tell Coop and he can laugh his little butt off at his dorky mother...

Anyways, with the sale of the house I grew up in came the dispersion and disposition of Things I Have Not Seen or Used in a While.... and by a while, I mean A WHILE. Coop is now in possession of an acoustic and electric guitar that I learned on (and promptly forgot when we moved away from my favorite music teacher ever - Lance). He has some pretty sweet moves - look at that technique.

In Keeps with his Image

As I have mentioned, Cooper, scuse me, Sir Cooperton, is quite the gentleman. It is about time someone dressed him as such. We are always putting him in sweat pants and I think he is quite embarrassed by our slovenly ways.

*See the sweatpants I am sporting in the first picture - not very fitting of the mother of Sir Cooperton... tsk tsk.

** Don't ask why I am holding a bottle of CVS lotion in the hallway - doesn't everyone do that?

*** Picture two really shows what I meant when I told you about Coop's thrill with the trash shoot. Look at that look of determination. He WILL throw that bag out, oh yes he will.

In the Mean Time...

So, I guess not so much having tomorrow off... Still holding out hope for Saturday. Whilst I wait to see how late of tonight I am going to have, I thought I would post some pictures of the crew (in this instance, the "crew" being myself, Steve, Coop and Grandpa Cox and Mamaw). Cooper got an early Christmas with the Cox side last weekend and despite the many presents he received, we seem to have only focused on one. The Bike.

Behold the wonder:

Merry Merry Merry... What day is it???

It is darn near impossible to feel "Christmas-y" at the moment.

Having worked 12+ hour days every day this week, it seems like I am in some crazy time warp whereby (look at these lawyerly words popping up) the day goes on forever, and yet you never have enough time...

Luckily, I should get a two day reprieve (note, SHOULD... had I not said anything, I am 100% sure I would get neither the Eve or the Christmas off, and the only reason I COULD ask is because I am covering for someone else who is going out of town, and this has not been my deal... despite the fact that over the last couple weeks I have billed roughly a bajillion hours to it...).

I have a slew of things to write about, for the sake of documenting the second year of Cooper Christmastime... AND PICTURES... but sadly, have had -3 hours a day to work on that... Assuming I get even MOST of tomorrow off... I SHOULD be able to catch up... should...

Waiting

... for the 247 page document I am printing to finish printing so I can take it home to read in my jammies

... for the next 2 work days to fly by so I can celebrate Christmas Eve and Christmas with Sir Cooperton and Steve

Sigh.

Waiting.

Disappointment

I can imagine that would be what someone would feel if they were to search for information on the Baseball Hall of Fame and happened upon this little bit of rambling... But, inspired by Aunt Allison's comments I have decided to change up the name of this blog, and that was all that came to mind on a Friday 5 minutes before 5pm...

Oddly, Steve and I had discussed that the blog was no longer aptly named, and then I forgot to do anything about it because the best ideas for a new name we could come up with sounded weird.

I could do "toddler Kowalski" but that seems weird to me, too. I guess we always referred to him as "the baby" (and sometimes still do... habits die hard), but I can't imagine being like "Do you want to go check on 'the toddler'?" which I guess seems irrelevant as we never called him "Baby Kowalski"... but, somehow I have, thus far, rejected "the toddler" or, in turn, "Toddler Kowalski"... thus, Cooper'sTown... which is pretty much everywhere he goes... Until something better comes to mind.

Thankful

I am so glad I went to law school and business school at the University of Chicago.

No, NOT because of the awesome career I have (which, while 'awesome' in some regards, the jury is still out in others...') and NOT because moving to Chicago allowed me to meet Steve and have Cooper (because I believe so strongly that those two were predestined that I am sure it would have happened anyhow, somehow) and NOT because the massive amounts of student loans have taught me how to budget (and subtract)...

BUT...

I am so glad because even when I was in my last trimester of an already difficult pregnancy, and it was negative [ungodly number] degrees outside with windchill that would cause windburn if flesh was exposed for 5 minutes and so much snow and ice was packed to the ground that I looked like Bambi on the frozen pond when I would walk to class... even then, they would not give me a parking pass less then 2 blocks away from the law school and 2 blocks and a midway away from the business school...

Thus, even when it has gotten mighty chilly outside, the measly 2 block walk, in cleared off sidewalks with tall buildings blocking the wind, even in work clothes (as opposed to the layered in sweats look I sported in grad school), is just not that bad.

So, thank you U of C. You really prepared me for life as a professional in Chicago.

We Keep Trucking...

No matter how much, sometimes, we just want to hide under the covers and blow our nose on our sleeve. Or, in Cooper's case, blow his nose on my sleeve. Shortly after I recovered from the flu, Coop got a cold, and he can be heard panting through his mouth cause no air can squeeze through either nostril. He has managed quite well, despite it all, and today, when he got back to "normal" (plus a still-clogged nose) I was like, OMG, this is YOU! and YOU are SO FRIGGING FUNNY. I mean, he was fine the last few days, very normal and good and fine and well, actually exceptional still in many ways. But when Coop is 100%, there is just nothing like it.

There has not been much to say lately. I am still trying to figure my own things out, and it keeps my head filled with so many 'what ifs' and 'maybe I shoulds' that it is hard to find words for everything else... and we aren't quite as good about documenting every 3 seconds of Coop's life in film as we were when he was a newborn (now we go about 7 seconds between snapping pictures).

Speaking of pictures...

Pictures 1 & 2: Coop is all "wicka wicka what?"

Picture 3: Coop Hefner. Note his shoes are on... just where does he think he is going?

Picture 4: Coop and DaDa watching some football (a massacre of epic proportions).

NOTE: As you can see, now we use frozen peas as treats up in here. Seriously, his "vice" went from blueberries to peas.

Um, yes love, you can have more... but only because you have been SUCH a good boy. : )

Better?

Perhaps, perhaps not. I am not sure if things are better, or just another calm before another inevitable storm. The good news is, I can have anxiety forever trying to wait out the answer... YAY!

In other news... Cooper is a proper gentleman and will shake hands with you if you ask him and offer yours. He LOVES to throw dirty diapers, or any trash really, down the garbage shoot and always has to step on our neighbors doormat on his way there. ALWAYS. He has come to let me leave the house most mornings with a kiss and then we part ways in the hall - me to the elevator and him to the trash shoot. I watch him waddle in foot-y pajamas and am reminded of a Dr. Suess character... not sure why.

Last night I woke up with a splitting migraine at 3am (and woke Steve up) and as I tried to go back to sleep (after checking my blinking blackberry) I heard Coop's mobile begin to play. I wonder how many times a night or how many nights a week he wakes up and can't go back to sleep without turning the music on his mobile back on. It was such a quiet hidden moment I would have never realized happened had I not had a splitting migraine.

Thank you stress.

In all seriousness, I am so excited about the coming holiday season, and managed to do what I needed to (for the moment) to (hopefully) ensure that I will be able to enjoy Coop's second Christmas. I know it isn't his first, and I know it isn't his last, but I already miss a lot, and I don't want to miss this.

Don't Ask

This has been a really hard week for me. Perhaps because over half of my time spent at work this week has been "face time" and an equal proportion has been with a fever over 101 degrees. Those two things should NOT happen at the same time...

Not to mention that with said fever I wanted to stay far away from a certain Coopster, thus have been completely depleted of all things positive to say about anything ever in the world so help me amen... or something equally melodramatic.

I struggle. I am struggling. I am doing ok (?) at work, I think, I dunno, who knows, but I am feeling like there are not enough places to steal time from. I feel like I have only been doing this 2 months (not even that) and I look up and my son is BIGGER. I can literally feel him growing two blocks away from where I am smiling through face time (with a fever, mind you) and I hate it. So many moms do this so much better then I do. I envy them, or don't I? My whole life I have worked to get here, and yet my whole world is something different now, someone different now.

I am so friggin lucky to have this job, so much luckier I got to start it early and can afford my family a pretty rockin life, but sometimes I find myself waking up in a panic. What if what I am doing is not good enough? At work? At home? Either place? Neither place?

THE NEXT DAY... Ok, so I started writing this yesterday, and things are better now. I went home at lunch today, even. I am no longer sick. "Face time" is manageable, especially when it means I should have a free weekend (YAY!) and then get busy again by next week (good for the keeping of the job, which I do, in fact, want to keep despite all the above moaning and groaning).

Despite a messy desk, messy hair, a closet that constantly has un-hung clothes and a teetering pile of shoes, yes, despite ALL appearances, I am a perfectionist. I hate not doing well, and I hate not knowing if I am not doing well.



But, I am still employed, so I can't be messing up too bad on that front, and Coop still gives me kisses and says "mama" when he sees me (so he hasn't forgotten who I am... yet) and I am right about a normal 98.6....

Today, that just has to be good enough.