You were born, I blinked, and when I opened my eyes again, it was today. Your fourth birthday.
At least that is how it feels.
My heart aches to think that 4 years have already come and gone, because every single second of those years are seconds I will never experience again, and even though I don't want to start over because that would delay getting to see what comes next, it's hard to believe that they have come and gone so quickly.
My heart explodes to think that 4 years together has led to this.
And by "this" I mean you. You are perfection in a (roughly) 3 foot tall package.
This year, like every other year, has been a year of change. Not so much with the things around you (for the first time in your life, you will have spent more than 12 months in a single residence... though that, too, shall soon come to an end), but with you. You went from being my baby-turned-toddler-turned-little-boy to my baby-turned-toddler-turned-little-boy AND my best little amigo. So much less of our time is spent with me directing, corralling or correcting, and so much more of our time is spent talking and sharing ideas and goofing around. I, a person who gets little to no time by myself, actually chose to put you in the car with me for a 3 hour drive to go look at houses this past year. That's right. I chose to pack extra, make extra stops in a one day trip, get you in and out of the car some 10 or so times, etc etc, because I preferred the pleasure of your company to the quiet of my own. And I have always been a gal who didn't mind being alone - that is when I do my best signing in the car. But with you, I can still sing in the car, we just rock a duet, and it sounds so much better. This is the biggest shift that I noticed. Where I have always wanted to spend as much time with you as I can, this year was the first year where it felt like all up-side, where I didn't even hesitate for a moment to think about the extra hassle of packing for two, or planning for two. It now goes without saying, where I go, you are always welcome (and thus, you are always nearby, for I am to you what you are to me, we are besties for life and can't stand to be apart). This has expanded to you getting a later bedtime (so long as you nap, because without nap, you are a disaster by 7), and your dad and I are really enjoying our extra hour with you, without your shorter sidekick.
You have blossomed into quite the little scholar - going to (pre) school and coming home with ideas and knowledge. I am happy to see that school hasn't changed your personality, but has just filled your mind with ideas and your social circle with a few more faces. I was worried that you were almost "too" verbal and "too" sweet, and that you would go to (pre) school and it would chew you up and spit you out. Clearly, I am a little irrational and lack perspective when it comes to you, but I have seen other 3 and 4 year old boys, and they don't say "but that is not nice" when other people do something that hurts their feelings. They scream/kick/hit/bite or do something mean back. At least in my head / worst nightmare. There are a few of the rougher tougher guys in your class, but you don't mind. You tell me that they are "sometimes a little wild and rough, but we still like them, though." I think that is very open minded of you.
You are obsessed with trains and cars (still), you like to be gross and you are adamant that there is no way that anyone (me, your dad, Daphne) loves you more than you love them. I let you believe that it is a tie, but my sweetest little boy, trust me when I say, you are so incredibly wrong. Without being able to prove it in any way, other than just knowing it down to my toes - take however much love you have, multiply it by a billion, add a trillion, and then put that to the infinity power, and that, my friend, only begins to describe it.
You are forever my little reminder of what is important.
I love you. Happy fourth birthday.
