Phew... another one down. I have had a bit of writer's block on this year... during this year... I have gotten the milestones down - the birthdays and the first days, but other than that and the obligatory "girl time" photo to capture Daphne and I growing up together, well, there just hasn't been much I felt like putting up here. I mean, if I could snap my fingers and words and pictures would appear, then, well, there would have been a TON of posts in 2014. But, alas, this requires slightly more effort and thought, and while much effort and thought has been expended this year, it has all found a place elsewhere (or just stayed in my head). Anyway... point being (because I think there is one...?), here we are, and I am trying to look back over this past year where there has been so much, and yet I feel like I captured so little of it. Perhaps because this year will be the one I don't need reminders of. There has been more joy and sadness in the last 12 months than I thought possible. More thought given to major decisions, more nights spent not sleeping then sleeping. More new commitments to myself and to others, and more gutting it out and recommitting to the same old things. To recap what I can:
January: We started the year with a tu-tu and some nausea. My little pirouetter kept me company as I limped into the new year, and Cooper began to display his mad reading skills. It still confounds me how kids learn to read. I mean, it's incredible. Sure, you can teach letter sounds and little rules, but OMG, when you really think about it, so many of those rules don't hold true in MANY instances. Little did I know that what we were seeing in January was just the tip of the iceberg with regards to reading prowess for 2014...
February: The obvious highlight of February 2014 was the turning of 5 by the kid who is almost 6... my I hate how that happens... We did a lot of things - played and went to the zoo, but little did I know, this was the middle of the plague of 2014.... Seriously, the first 3 months of 2014 were a disgusting conglomeration of flu, pink eye, allergies, stomach virus... No wonder I didn't post any of it.
March: Continuing the celebration - in a rare weekend of health - we managed to jam everyone and their mother into our house for festivities of Cooper. The bounce house, the balloon artist, the face painting, oh my! Note to self - it is not, in fact, cheaper to host a party at the house than it is to outsource... at least, not when one is over anxious and has time to plan. We were just celebrating and sharing exciting news, which feels like way back when... before...
April: We actually braved the rodeo this year - something that I both want to do again, and never want to do again (thanks, Daphne!). Oh the heat! Oh the crowds! Oh the overpricedness of everything!... but on the other hand... Oh the family time! Oh the horses (I LOVE HORSES!)! Oh the rides! Oh the giggles! We had special visitors at Easter... and then ...
May: April was really the worst month, but the recovery from April was hard. Perhaps glimpses of it creeped through... here in this place, for sure, but also at random moments when my eyes would tear up and gloss over and I would have to excuse myself from wherever I was, when I would wake up in the middle of the night in a panic and not be able to fall back asleep because the misery was just so loud... But amidst all of that there was happiness, too. Happiness in the forms of my two favorite people. We didn't move on, but we found ways to put one foot in front of the other. And in so doing, we walked right out of Pre-K and into the few months before Kindergarten.
June: We went to Austin and saw peacocks and airplanes and friends. I introduced Steve to migas and reintroduced him to Amy's Ice cream. I remember thinking then that we needed to do more of this now, because weekend road trips are AWESOME! Of course we have done exactly 0 more of these, though, so my follow-through leaves a lot to be desired. We loved on Steve and we wreaked havoc downtown during the lunch hour.
July: What's up Port A? Remember us? there? then? Yeah, that was super fun and we rocked the beach, the pool, the condo, the ice cream spots and seriously enjoyed a beach vacation. Whilst I have some guilt about not exposing my children (or husband, for that matter) to some of the more beautiful beaches that this region (i.e., near Mexico) has to offer, we really continued to enjoy the proximity to the beach that we now have, especially in a budget friendly way (student loans GO AWAY!!!). We partied with friends in our neighborhood, and Steve returned to the classroom... for trainings, and the summer continued. Oh! and I realized that I love roller coasters EVEN MORE now, and Steve realized he is kind of over them (but was a good sport anyway).
August: I know other things happened this month... like Steve and I celebrating that we probably lost several people some money by somehow still standing together 5 years, 4 moves, 3 degrees and 2 children later, but all of that (other than Daphne, of course) was completely trumped by KINDERGARTEN!!!! While I am not sure what we will do for 1st grade, this school has been amazing this year, and Cooper has without a doubt had the best teacher EVER. He was so brave, and he is flourishing. This was a month of the start of good things for him. And Daphne - continued to kick butt at life.
September: Another big month for Cooper - his first book, his first attempt at bangs (Lord). While not featured here, Daphne begain classes at Gymboree - music, gymnastics, art, etc., as we filled her days with activities and movement since her best friend (and sometimes arch enemy, but mostly co-conspirator) had left her for Kindergarten. Things slowed down at work some for me, and Steve began his career in a school where he was the ONLY male teacher (hahaha!!!!)
October: This was a busy month. The beginning of T-Ball (ADORABLE!), the squeezing of keylimes (YUM!) and the WTF-are-you-kidding-me-you-have-to-be-kidding-me of suddenly having no child care! This was easily the second worst month of the year, but was counter-balanced by also being one of the best, thanktheLord! We learned of the terror of 3-year-old playgrounds and we learned that sometimes Mommy just needs to scream into a pillow and then she can regroup and call another school… Moments like these are when I am most proud of us as a team. Not me, but US. Everyone stepped up. Daphne was resilient and accommodating (the first she is ALWAYS, the second she is… well, I won’t say NEVER, but I will say it isn’t one of the top 10(0000) words I think of when I think of her), Cooper was patient and embraced the role of Daphne’s cheerleader (dropping the competitive big brother portion of his program), Steve and I muddled through, but we did it without killing each other, so, in all honesty, having been there, we deserve gold stars for that. … And I deserve a pass for not making the costumes homemade this year.
November: Another busy and somewhat heart wrenching month. I said goodbye to a job that I liked, at a place and with people I had grown to really love, and got a real “grown up” job (Steve laughs at this – when I said this transition would be to like “a real grown up job” he looked at me and asked “and what exactly do you think you have now?”… the thing is, it is just DIFFERENT. Law firms are brutal in many many ways – no control of your schedule and working through holidays, bedtimes, dinner and… life, in many respects. BUT, on the other hand, law firms, especially where I was at, can offer a flexibility that other jobs cannot. On the whole the flexibility is probably used or available too few and far between to make up for the billable hour, but the illusion of it is compelling)… Anyway, yet another change in 2014. Cooper continued to rock at life and learning and can read like nobody’s business. Daphne turned THREE which was… well, how old I told people she was for the 3-6 months prior cause in my head it seemed impossible to call her two anymore. We went to Chicago for Thanksgiving, and I was reminded of how much I really love it there. Moments like that I have to remember the cost of living and it is easier to return to Houston.
December: This was a month of family and fun and presents and tradition. My most favorite time of the year. And Cooper's. The one moment of December that stands out most (other than the obvious) is the night I heard crying from upstairs. I went up and asked Cooper what was wrong. He said "Christmas is too far away!" I did the math and said "it is 10 days" and he said "that is sooooo looooooooong!" Poor buddy barely made it.
Every year thus far we have seen a lot of change. That is kind of how we roll. I have friends who think I am crazy (and are likely the same ones who took odds when Steve and I got engaged and then married on 4 and 4 months’ notice), and maybe I am and maybe we are, but we are crazy together. We thought this year would be about stability. We were moved, we were settled, we had childcare figured out and we had jobs we both liked. So of course we bucked that and decided to have another baby and prepared for that change, which in fact felt like more of the same – more of what we knew, more of what we had, more of what we were prepared for. When that went away, we experienced a change unlike anything we had before. Every year before when things went haywire, it was because we called an audible and while we may have seemed “along for the ride” we were, in fact, steering (or at the very least pointing the party in the general direction). This year we got completely derailed. And then we lost our childcare and I switched jobs. Two things that weren’t so much in the plans for this year either (the nanny left with no notice, and the job found me, I wasn’t really looking). Perhaps that is why this year has felt harder than most – I like chaos, but I like ORGANIZED, INTENTIONAL chaos. This year has reminded me that not everything is within my control, and while I may never understand or make peace with things that have happened this year (or before or after), all I can do is move forward with whatever hand that is dealt.
I feel especially fortunate to not be muddling through it on my own this year, this life.
May this be a Happy New Year.
